Alright, listen up. Multi-Level Marketing (MLM) schemes – aka the plague of our modern social lives – are somehow still a thing. I thought we left all the “get rich quick” nonsense back in the early 2000s with chain emails, but nope! MLMs are back, and they’re annoyingly everywhere. Especially in Shillong, where people seem to be falling for this like it’s the latest iPhone launch.

Let’s just cut to the chase. MLMs suck. They’re the same recycled scam, just wrapped up with fancier packaging and trendier buzzwords. Think of it like those mystery meat hotdogs: same stuff, different casing. And the saddest part? People you actually know are out there pushing these schemes like it’s their personal calling. Friends, family members, that dude who barely spoke to you in high school – suddenly everyone wants you in their “business venture” (which, spoiler alert, isn’t a real business).

What Even is an MLM, Anyway?

So, in case you’ve been blessed enough to dodge these vultures, let me break it down for you. An MLM (or Multi-Level Marketing) is a “business model” – and I use that term loosely – where you sign up to sell products and recruit others to sell under you. They make you believe you’re an “entrepreneur,” but all you’re really doing is paying to join a glorified pyramid scheme where the only thing that trickles down is disappointment.

To make money, you either have to:

1. Sell overpriced, mostly unnecessary products (we’re talking diet shakes, essential oils, and magic creams that “cure” aging – yeah right).
2. Convince your friends to sign up so they can sell those overpriced products to their friends. It’s like a zombie apocalypse where you’re just spreading the curse to everyone you know.

But here’s the dirty little secret they don’t tell you: most people in MLMs lose money. Only a few people at the very top of the pyramid – the real zombies – make any cash, and they do it by recruiting the poor souls underneath them. The rest of the people? They’re left holding an expensive pile of diet shakes and disappointment.

“But It’s Not a Pyramid Scheme!”

Oh, bless their hearts. Every MLM defender’s favorite line: “It’s not a pyramid scheme!” News flash, Brenda: if it walks like a pyramid and talks like a pyramid, it’s a pyramid. The only difference is that this one is legally allowed to drain your bank account without the authorities getting too involved.

They’ll tell you it’s a “groundbreaking business opportunity,” a “proven model,” or my personal favorite, a “community of supportive entrepreneurs.” Spoiler: it’s none of these things. It’s just a scheme where the main skill you need is pestering everyone you know to sign up. Seriously, if your business model involves spamming your friends and family with “Hey boss babe, wanna make extra money on the side?” texts, maybe it’s time to question a few things.

Why Shillong? Why Now?

You’d think Shillong would have enough sense not to fall for these things, but for some reason, MLMs are popping up like mushrooms after rain. I don’t know if it’s the isolation or just boredom, but suddenly, everyone around here is pushing some MLM “opportunity” and using friendship as emotional blackmail.

You know how it goes. Someone you haven’t heard from in five years suddenly slides into your DMs all friendly, and then boom! They hit you with, “Hey, I’m part of this amazing business – I think you’d be perfect for it!” Listen, Jessica, I’m not falling for it. I know where this is going, and no, I don’t want to “hop on a quick call to learn more about a life-changing opportunity.”

How to Spot an MLM Recruiter (and Run)

1. Vague Promises of Riches: They’ll tell you it’s easy money. “You can work from anywhere!” Yeah, you can also lose money from anywhere too.
2. Constant Social Media Hype: They’re all about those “inspirational” quotes on Facebook and Instagram, usually about hustling and “never giving up.” If their entire profile is motivational quotes and #BossBabe energy, chances are they’re trying to rope you in.
3. Pressure to “Invest in Yourself”: They’ll say, “It’s a small fee to join, but it’s an investment in your future.” Spoiler: they mean it’s an investment in their future, not yours.
4. Suspiciously Friendly Chats: If someone you barely know suddenly acts like you’re their BFF, you’re about to get pitched. It’s like a horror movie, but instead of a masked killer, you get Karen with an “amazing business opportunity.”

A Final Word to the MLM Defenders

If you’re one of those MLM die-hards reading this, don’t even try to come at me with “It’s not like that!” Because I’ve heard it all before, trust me. You’re not running a business; you’re in a glorified hustle that’s designed to chew people up and spit them out. And if you genuinely believe you’re helping people, then I’m sorry to break it to you – you’ve been brainwashed by corporate zombies.

MLMs are designed to trap people, ruin friendships, and empty wallets. Period. There’s no “smart strategy” to make them work. You’re not going to “crush it” as a top seller. You’re not an entrepreneur. And I don’t care how many overpriced lotions you sell – you’re still just a cog in someone else’s moneymaking machine.

So, do us all a favor and stop trying to rope the rest of us into your scheme. Let us live our lives without the pressure to “join your team” or “become our own boss.” I’ll stick to my 9-to-5, thanks.

This was a public service announcement from your friendly neighborhood MLM hater. Let’s all keep our money, friendships, and sanity intact by staying far, far away from these schemes.